Battlestar Toaster 2009

e3primer6I got a little case of writer’s block in something else I am writing so I decided that I was going to go for a very tongue in cheek look at what E3 might bring to us, the gaming community.

However, I’m not known for being incredibly serious in what I write so hopefully this will bring a little comedy to the Pre-E3 week for you.  What are my E3 Expectations

Microsoft comes out all guns blazing  with all of its new IPs and blows Sony out of the water

Pros – We finally get to see properly what the machine can do and bring a new battlefield for the console war. With an idea as to who will dominate the field. Will Halo 5 appear as the explosive commander, the master chief as it were. Or will this swathe of new ips sweet us off of our collective feet and into the clutch of Microsoft’s embrace.

Cons – E3 being dominated by one console manufacturer is never a good thing, E3 is a showcase for the coming gaming media of the next 12 months and even the most devote Microsoft fan doesn’t want to only see what the XBone (which sounds like something you end up doing by mistake on a drunken night out). Where would the impassioned discussion be between the fans. Also known as the flame wars. Without any competition it will all stagnate and the conference will just be a big old TV advertisement


Sony comes out all guns blazing with all of its new IPs and blows Sony out of the water

Pros- Exactly the same sort of thing as the post above, just with Killzone and others leading the charge

Cons – Once again, same as above. It would be the cycle of no commercial competition and make for a boring Expo.


Everything evens out, and we see a wealth of entertaining and interesting titles from all parties concerned

Pros – Perfect! This is just what we want. Lots of tasty discussion and gossip. Footage, details. Shiny things of wondrous gleeful joy. Flying gun toting warriors and mewling monstrosities deep in mossy mausoleums. New tales and stories and worlds for us to explore. This is the E3 we all want to see!

Cons – Erm, cons. Piers Morgan will probably still be alive?


Something mystical and unexpected happens

Pros – Who expected that one? Where did that game explode from? Where were [insert publisher here] hiding that one then? Star Wars 1313 had this effect at the last E3 along with Watchdogs. This often excited the entire gaming media as well as the industry and the fans  and a fresh golden age of coverage that is happy starts. Happy games coverage, so rare it happens. Present company on the site not included of course.

Cons – Piers Morgan will still be alive. And it may detract from the other wonders but this is how Expos can be. You’ll see an amazing game get pushed down into the bottom rung of the activity feeds and twitter accounts we all follow with this really surprising media. Hopefully though this will not be the case.

Battlestar Toaster 2009

A Cylon Toaster is found and proceeds to take over the hall

Pros – Toast

Cons- Cylons



E3 2013 is a flop, the new IPs and consoles fall flat and Ubisoft and EA give us terrible presentations again

Pros – Laughing at idiots trying to make uninteresting ideas seem remotely funny and interesting, everything gets its fair share.

Cons- Nothing exciting comes into our laps and we find ourselves feeling downright radiator paint coloured and uninterested for the next generation due to a lacklustre presentation.


Back to seriousness, what do you think is going to happen at this years E3? Will the Internet flip, or will the Expo flop? Tell us your thoughts in that little box down below, and happy Sunday!

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The big thing everybody wants out of E3 this year isn’t new tect or even new IP’s ….but what is bloody going to happen to the pre-owned market on the next-gen consoles, just give us an answer!