star trek

Where is the Star Trek franchise going? What will people think of Star Trek Beyond? Will the old guard of Star Trek fans ever feel satisfied with the rebooted franchise? How much longer will the current cast stay? Why are fans annoyed?

Well, most fans will tell you that Star Trek has become a big action franchise with none of the Clever Trevor bits it once had. So what if Paramount decided to reboot more of the Star Trek continuity? Surely the next Vulcan (AKA logical) step would be to do a reboot of Star Trek: The Next Generation? Just how badly could this go? Well, let’s have an educated guess.

Who would you cast? Bearing in mind, we’re thinking about casting decisions based on the current direction of the franchise:

So, we’d have Vin Diesel as Captain Picard, Shia LaBeouf as Commander Riker, Dwane “The Rock” Johnson as Worf, Philip DeFranco as Data, Kevin James as Geordi La Forge, Megan Fox as Consuellor Troi, Masie Williams as Dr Crusher (no Wes because she’s too young and this a fresh faced cast, duh and she needs to add to her resume) and Tasha Yar played by some generic eye candy…

What’s the story? Well, it’s Fast and the Furious meets Star Trek. We kick off with rogue Commander Picard becoming captain of the Enterprise and heading to Farpoint Station to collect the rest of his crew. Since, Kirk’s character in the reboot is more brash and roguish, of course, Picard is a rogue tool obsessed with classic cars from the 21st century and likes taking risks.

When Q turns up, Picard, of course annoys him and endangers his crew meaning that the crew and a bunch of other sleek alien races will have to take part in a drag race around the planet. The crew must build a car and race it against staples like the Vulcans and the Klingons, When it turns out Tasha is a really good driver, but Picard decides he’s going to drive the car anyway and makes her his co-pilot.

That goes wrong and Tasha is killed by a slime monster, a cheeky fan reference for fans of the show. Picard, seeing the error of reckless ways, seems like he’s turned a corner but he hasn’t, and the crew drop lots of references to keep fans satisfied and win the race and more ticket money.

Surely it’d work, right? A mondern-day take on a futuristic sci-fi adventure. Yeah, I know, it’s terrible, but I don’t see anyone else taking on a Next Generation reboot.

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