Google Search

Lets be real, twenty-sixteen has been a year that’s really rocked the boat and upset a lot of people. That being said in hundreds of years to come if all an alien race had was my search history to gauge what 2016 was like they would have no clue about any of the political turmoil or heartbreaking losses we’ve seen this year.

As you can see from the following searches when the world gets scary I retreat to my weird and wonderful bubble. I’d also like to apologise for the amount of times I Google Brendon Urie, I’m a disgusting human but he’s just so beautiful okay.

January:

  • PSN status
  • Motorola 80’s
  • Eagles
  • Bootylicious Wiki
  • Stars without eyebrows
  • Brendon Urie
  • Hello Clarence
  • Life Is Strange how to save kate?
  • Making a Murderer
  • Kevin Smith cameo Jersey Girl

February:

  • Austin Null video leaked
  • Zayn Pillow Talk
  • Avril Lavigne discography (she’ll always be queen)
  • Is internet access a basic human right? (honestly, when I saw this I was like “daaang you were an entitled bitch this month”. So it’s okay if you also have this reaction)
  • What Chinese animal am I?
  • Disney dog show
  • Can you go on a roller-coaster with a shoulder replacement? (If your google search has brought you here then the answer is yes. I mean I don’t know medically if it’s recommended but I’m still screwed together fine).
  • OMFG (gif searching, probably)
  • Brendon Urie 2015
  • Bang me Barbie

March:

  • Kanye
  • Team name genarator
  • Monarchy
  • Dry cough after chest infection
  • Bronchitis symptoms
  • Lactose intolerance test
  • Metal Sludge Penis Chart (I had to see if this really existed after seeing Trisha Paytas talk about it. Yeah, it’s a thing)
  • Diarrhoea (checking for spelling as always)
  • Ghost at Loughborough train station
  • Having fun isn’t hard library card (obviously this was after I got my first library card I needed to tell everyone with the help of Arthur)
  • How do you win hot potato?
  • Can I keep my original joint after a replacement?

April:

  • Where do the PowerPuff girls live?
  • Dogs hate hugs?
  • Don Cheadle

May:

  • Andy Biersack
  • Andy Biersack Instagram
  • Korn quiz
  • Prison Break Haywire (always in my heart)
  • Ponk hair-dye (okay so this is supposed to say ‘pink’ but typos happen. I like this particular one because when you say it out loud you sound like you’re saying ‘punk’ in a really pretentious way)
  • Brendon Urie (I told you, I’m sorry)

June:

  • Maladjusted
  • Misanthropist
  • Pink flamingo pool float
  • What time can you start making noise in the UK?
  • Why do we vote using pencils? (seriously though, why?)
  • Why is Brendon Urie called Beebo?

July:

  • Pat Sharp Fun House
  • Everyone born female?
  • Pokémon Go stable? (the summer of Pokémon and broken servers)
  • Andy Miloakis
  • Bounce to the next dick boy (that sweet, sweet Lemonade)

August:

  • Bieber nudes
  • Adult rollerskates
  • Lizzie McGuire movie
  • None of your mailmen friends can hear you
  • Brendon Urie

September:

  • Cat bus
  • Yen to GBP
  • Lasagne
  • Ali baby cobra (easily the best special on Netflix)
  • Weird IKEA sex stories (I figured someone somewhere had, right?)
  • Big butt Skinner
  • How old is Matt Damon
  • Fear of escalators

October:

  • Where is Siberia (geography has never been my strongest subject)
  • Wu Tang name generator (as soon as I discovered that this is how Childish Gambino came to be I had to give myself a name too)
  • Jess Gilmore Girls
  • Do you have to take your weave out in prison? (I have no need for this knowledge but curiosity took over)

November:

  • Goth Spice
  • How popular was the film ‘I Love You Man’?
  • Abibliophobia
  • What time do McDonalds start serving breakfast?

December:

  • Mizz magazine 90’s
  • Justin Bieber 2016
  • Lay or Lie
  • Alien candle
  • Big Muff (it’s a guitar pedal, calm down!)

So there goes another twelve months in my brain, you are so welcome. Remember I do this every year so you don’t have to. However, if you are brave enough to check out your own search history head to myactivity.google.com or alternatively check out how embarrassing 2015 was for me here.

Happy New Year you nosy bunch.

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