It’s become quite clear, due to the sheer amount of coverage, that Nintendo Switch games taste like shit. Apparently that’s what gaming journalism has come to nowadays. So in an effort to remain “in the loop” I’ve decided to try my hand at tasting other gaming media, y’know, “for science”.
So here’s what’s on the menu for this fine Thursday morning.
- Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2 – Dreamcast
- Call of Duty: The Finest Hour – PlayStation 2
- LOST – Xbox 360
- Tearaway – PS Vita
- Fallout 4 – PlayStation 4
- World of Warcraft – Legion – PC DVD
- Sunset Overdrive – Xbox One
- Pokémon Sun – Nintendo 3DS
- MadCatz RAT 8
So I thought I’d initially dive deep into a more aged collection of games, a personal favourite of mine is Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2. Though I’d have rather tried the PlayStation One version, the only availability this particular establishment had was a pre-owned Dreamcast version. Beggars can’t be choosers, so I took a nice big lick and even sucked on the disc somewhat.
It didn’t taste bad, but I could definitely taste the ageing here, it definitely tasted old. I’m also sure I tasted the remains of the previous owner, which was a little unpleasant, but not the worst.
Call of Duty: The Finest Hour was another pre-owned delight, I have no real idea what this game is about, it just turned up in a box of other PlayStation 2 games. This taste sensation was much the same, old, and also slightly bitter. I probably should have cleaned the disc first as I’m sure I tasted weed.
Finally, another pre-owned game, this time for LOST a game based on one of the best TV shows ever. Yes the game is shitty, but the taste wasn’t. This was the more “fresher” tasting of the three mature games. A nice familiar plastic taste, like the toys we used to play with as a kid.
Onto the Main Course I was a little apprehensive as the main reason for the nasty taste of the Switch game is to deter kids putting it in their mouths and swallowing. So leaving the best ’til last I jumped straight into sucking on Fallout 4. This actually tasted of nothing… Quite disappointed actually.
Oh and don’t let the juicy appearance of the Sunset Overdrive disc fool you, there’s nothing fruity about this one, once again it tasted of nothing. I’m half tempted to get my money back.
As for World of Warcraft – Legion, that oddly tasted quite nice, especially on the printed side of the disc. Not nice enough to continue having at it, but it was pleasant enough.
Now onto the amuse bouche, Tearaway on PS Vita and Pokémon Sun on Nintendo 3DS. This was a nerve wracking experience as I wasn’t sure I was ready for a sour taste, I’ve tried that stuff people use to stop biting their nails, if these are anywhere near that taste, I’m out.
First, the PS Vita cart. Yes it’s small and most likely the one to have the deterring flavour, but it’s not a Nintendo-made game. I don’t know, it’s the logic I used anyway. I popped the cart in my mouth preparing for a flood of bitterness to awash my entire palate, however I was met with relief as it just tasted slightly of new electronics, not an unpleasant taste, if you ask me.
So here we are, the Nintendo 3DS game. Surely the same logic applies here, it’s small and children will likely pop it in their mouths. So surely this is where the bad-tasting coating originated, right? Unfortunately not. There was some slight bitterness, but nothing too vomit-inducing. For the most part my palate is safe.
I thought I’d move away from gaming media for this one as everything pretty much began tasting the same. I did have a sour taste in my mouth, but I’m sure that’s due to the traces of weed I consumed with that shady PS2 disc.
The MadCatz RAT 8 is the latest RAT 8 model from MadCatz. I’ve been using it as my daily clicker for about three months now, so it’s well aged and bedded in. In for the kill, eh?
Yeah nah, fuck this. It tasted like sweat and disappointment. Why did I even bother doing this? Who fucking knows. This is why I don’t break to peer pressure.