With the season 7 premiere of Game of Thrones mere DAYS away, we here at n3rdabl3 felt it appropriate to catch everyone up on all of the events leading up to season 7 Episode 1.
Obviously SPOILERS for the entire series are contained within this article.
You have been warned…
Seriously, if you haven’t watched the show yet just leave now, don’t ruin it for yourself.
OK, lets begin!
Welcome to Westeros! A land filled with lies, deceit, ale, wine, and boobs… like a lot of boobs.
Magic has faded from the lands and politics now rule in it’s stead. However the show kicks things off by reminding us that mystical beings still exist and they want to kill us all…
This isn’t gross, this is ART. Shame on you sir!
Anyways, enter the Starks of Winterfell…
…Except for the big guy on the left, that’s Hodor, we’ll get to him. Lord Eddard “Ned” Stark is the King of Winterfell, the Vale, and the North, his eldest son Rob Stark is the next rightful heir. Then there’s Ned’s wife, Catelyn Stark, and Queen of all those lands I just mentioned. Sansa is Ned’s eldest daughter, then we have Arya, his second and youngest daughter. Lastly Bran, and Rickon round out the rest of the family.
They’re visited by the Usurper and King of the Seven Kingdoms Robert Baratheon.
King Rob is married to Cersei Lannister (Queen Bitch), their children are Joffrey, Myrcella, and Tommen Baratheon. Cersei is sister to Jaime and Tyrion Lannister; their father is Lord Tywin Lannister, but more on him later.
King Rob visits Winterfell to ask/demand that Ned Stark become “Hand of the King” and leave with him to go back to King’s Landing. He also tells Ned that he plans to join their houses by marrying Joffrey to Sansa, once they have come of age.
Meanwhile, across the Narrow Sea, a plot is drawn to retake the Iron Throne!
Enter Viserys and Daenerys Targaryen.
Aside from this dude being awkwardly too close to his little sister, Viserys plans to marry Daenerys (Danny for short) off to Karl Drogo in exchange for an army big enough to retake his father’s throne. Remember how I called Rob Baratheon the “Usurper”? Well Rob overthrew Viserys’ father, the Mad King Aerys Targaryen, in order to win, and claim, the Iron Throne for himself. Needless to say, there’s some bad blood between the two families.
Meanwhile, back in Winterfell, a royal feast is held in honour of King Rob’s presence before they head back to King’s Landing.
Bran Stark likes to climb, he dreams one day of joining the Assassins Brotherhood and maybe even getting his own game out of it!…. Not Really, but he really does enjoy climbing. Anyway, one day he’s climbing his favourite tower when he stumbles upon this..
Yea, Cersei and Jaime are REAL close, if you catch my drift. #incest
Sadly, King Rob can never know, so this happens..
BUT, Bran doesn’t die, just loses the use of his legs. BUT that’s ok because he’s a Warg! More on that later though.
A second attempt is made on Bran’s life and Catelyn tries to seek out who tried to murder her son. Lord Petyr Baelish tells her the dagger that was used in the attempt belongs to Tyrion Lannister, which is obviously a big fat lie, but what does she know right?
Jon Snow, Ned Stark’s bastard, is sent to the Night’s Watch. A group of degenerates, bastards, celibates, dedicated to protecting the Wall from threats farther North, like White Walkers.
Back in King’s Landing, Ned finds out that Jon Aryn tracked down all of King Rob’s bastard children. Why?! Because Cersei and Rob’s children are actually Cersei and JAIME’s children! Meaning, Rob has no true born son’s and heirs. Ned plans to tell Rob when he returns from his hunt.
In the Vale, Tyrion is put on trial for the so called attempt on Bran’s life. He demands a trial by combat. Bronn steps in to fight for him and wins. Therefore freeing Tyrion of his accusations.
Back across the Narrow Sea, Viserys loses his temper on Danny, calling himself king and throwing a royal tantrum. Drogo responds by pouring liquid gold over his head.
At the Wall, Jon Snow is appointed as Jeor Mormont’s personal squire. While confusing to him at first, Sam tells him it’s because he wants to train Jon to become a leader in the Night’s Watch.
In King’s Landing, Rob Baratheon is mortally wounded from his hunt and is given mere days to live. He passes and Ned tries to prove that Joffrey is not the rightful heir. Renly Baratheon and Stannis Baratheon now have rightful claims to the thrown. Cersei plans a coo and Ned ends up in prison for treason.
Rob Stark is summoned to King’s Landing to pledge fealty to the new King Joffrey. Outraged by the heinous acts of the Lannisters, Rob marches south in retaliation. A war begins. Jaime Lannister is captured and held prisoner and sadly Ned loses his head. RIP.
Tywin is preoccupied with the war so he sends Tyrion to serve as Hand of the King in his stead. Sansa begs to be sent home, but Joffrey plans to still marry her. Arya cuts off her hair to look like a boy and escapes with the rest of the Night’s Watch recruits.
Meanwhile, Jon Snow and the rest of the Night’s Watch head out beyond the wall to gain more information on the Wildlings and White Walkers.
Rob is officially declared King of the North.
Karl Drogo suffers a would in combat and it festers. In a desperate attempt to save her lover, Danny asks a witch to save his life at the cost of their child. Obviously, that doesn’t work out, he becomes a vegetable, and Danny smothers him with a pillow. When they go to burn his body they place the dragon eggs around him and Danny steps into the fire, because apparently she has something to prove.
But this happens, so that’s cool. The Mother of Dragons is born.
Keep an eye out for Part 2!