We’ve all been there. The Mage not pulling their weight. The Medic unfit for purpose. The Marine that loses the flag. We’ve all been that ‘guy’. The ‘guy’ letting the side down. The ‘guy’ who gets booted from the team for bad performance or poor latency. We have all fallen victim to that sad twinge of exclusion as we are undermined by fascist virtual superiors and resigned forever to the dark chasm of Campaign mode.

It turns out I need to get better at games. But for much deeper reasons than I had initially intended. For now I learn, through the miracle of online surveys, that my ineptitude with the sniper rifle is driving someone, somewhere, to utter despair.

According to a survey conducted by Voucher Codes, an online purveyor of usually out of date and expired Next vouchers, has somehow surveyed its way into discovering that 1 in 4 ‘gamers’ lose their temper while playing games and cause, on average, £145 worth of damage whilst lashing out.

For every time I ruin the raid and with each and every friendly I accidentally explode, a quarter of gamers get pissed. And the keyboard gets it.

Whilst gaming, 74% of people surveyed said they lost their temper. 37% of them are at the lower of end of the game-rage spectrum and only scream. Or shout. 30% get into arguments with others and 23% have broken something in a rage. The controller and the keyboard are the most common victims, bearing 41% of the rage. 38% of headsets are ripped from skulls. 32% of televisions and monitors are damaged.

There is potential that I have destroyed someones gaming experience so much that 14% of the time, they will stand up, eject the disc and break it. 9% will break their own chair.

Their own chair.

I can’t be responsible for someone breaking their own chair. That is ridiculous and an unacceptable burden to place on the lower class of casual player.

The chaos must end. The carnage must stop. I am willing to do my part. To play more games. To work hard to improve my spell combinations. But people please, we’ve got to calm down. The keyboard is our ally. The controller, let’s be honest, our only real friend. Treat them well.

As for those of you that struggle with the noobs burdened with less chiselled reaction times and mediocre hand eye coordination, be patient with us and we’ll do our best to save you some cash.

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