You know the other day I was wondering what a JRPG anime style Call of Duty Game would look like. Would it involve mecha? Laser beams? Crazy martial arts.

Well, I could not have been more wrong if Senran Kagura Peach Beach Splash is anything to go by, and I doubt you’d be proudly queuing up to buy this at midnight in case you bump into someone you know…

If you’re not familiar with the series up to this point, Senran Kagura is a video game series that kicked off back in 2011 which follows a bunch of female ninjas that have unusually bouncy breasts, a fondness for wearing few clothes, and posing erotically.

Imagine a ninja anime mashed up with the campy sense of humour you’d get in a 70s BBC sitcom.

To get the obvious out of the way, I shall now make some innuendo jokes and get it all out my system so we can carry on with this review:

  • I’d sure like it if they pumped my water gun!
  • Man those peaches look juicy!
  • Jee, that girl looks really wet and excited!
  • I’d totally be good at squirting my water gun in this game!

Okay, now it’s out of my system and we can carry on. The last Senran Kagura game I played was on the 3DS and it got boring very quickly. It was a standard 2D Brawler that made me replay levels again and again until all my characters had passed. Sure, you play for longer but you have to keep doing the same thing again and again.

Peach Beach Splash is different since this is a third person shooter.

The story follows a group of rival ninja schools being drafted into a mysterious water gun tournament, then chuck in a cool looking water propulsion jet pack thingy and your set.

Ultimately gameplay boils down to this… Each stage consists of you, the player, being a bikini-clad ninja with your water jetpack and your trusty water gun squirting as many bad girls as you can. In previous games, the characters all have their own specialities, but you can’t have them for this game, it’s all about the water guns.

What makes the characters at least stand out of being pretty interchangeable is the different water guns you get like sniper or a simple water gun. Though you get two different firing modes, only one is decent.

Your melee combat is simple and quite ineffective and you’re going to find yourself having to reload a lot by pumping your water gun as quickly as possible. Though I did have fun splashing around the combat arenas and squirting my enemies with the simple but fun combat, levels don’t go on too long.

What makes the game drag out is the endless text boxes you’d expect from a Japanese game and a stretched tutorial phase to explain the simple and straightforward game play.

The story mode was fun but makes me wonder if the writing team is in a bit of a conflict. You seem to have a writer that wants to write covertly deep and meaningful tale about a sinister bad guy and characters with issues, then you have a ton of writers who more interested in by the numbers boob jokes, then a bunch of writers whose browser history cannot be described as PG.

Like most shooters, the levels are full of cover and space to move around, though they feel as if they can be described as being everything but the kitchen sink. Levels seem to have two or three ideas mashed together, like a mecha base, swimming pool, and a Japanese restaurant.

Outside of the gameplay, it gets a little bit weird, like the dressing room mode, which will likely appeal to all you 14-year-old lads when your parents aren’t home. Let me just say what happens in that mode cannot be done in the real world without getting you into some serious trouble.

Senran Kagura Peach Beach Splash feels like a bag of gummy sweets after few mouthfuls: the flavour goes, it gets a bit dull, and may cause indigestion. Aimed at the multiplayer market, this a game you really don’t want to be playing with your parents in the room.

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