awkwardgoogle

Oh 2017, I will be so glad to say a forever goodbye to you because let’s be real you’ve been a bit, well, shit really haven’t you. Obviously there’s been worst years in history, years with plagues and wars and let’s not forget 2016 with Trump, any year where a President Of The United States uses Twitter to share his vile odious opinions is one that could have been better.

Has my search history tamed down this year? Nope not at all, I might have been laying in bed at 3pm and quietly sobbing about just how scary things are out there in the real world but I was still asking Google the weird and wonderful stuff that popped into my brain in between sobs.

The eagle eyed among you will notice there’s a couple of months missing, this is because I had major surgery on my shoulder and couldn’t physically use my phone, also, I was so hecking high that the brief phone hiatus was probably for the best.

So here it is, my Google search history 2017:

January

  • Mariah Carey (really, the first thing I thought about in January was Mariah Carey…)
  • McDonalds New Year Opening Times
  • Princess Mononoke English Dub Actors
  • Stomach Flu
  • Phone Soap
  • Project 8 Pork Rind Wall
  • Hilary Fresh Prince

April

  • Brighton Dog Wall (Yes, this really is the first and only thing I googled when I could finally use my phone again).

May

  • Mizz Magazine Cringe (If you’re a 90s kid, you’ll know)
  • What’s in a white wine spritzer
  • Justin Bieber (not the answer to the above question)
  • Dan and Phil gay
  • Brendon Urie on the Tonight Show
  • Drink Bleach (clearly looking for a meme or something… i think?)
  • Things that are wrong with How I Met Your Mother
  • Cat Magazine
  • Do you remove earrings to sleep? (yes, ouch!)

June

  • Bored to Death (still holding out for the movie)
  • Millennial Pink
  • Popeye
  • Holy Booble
  • Can you sew up a belly button (I just really don’t like them, okay?)
  • World’s biggest pearl
  • Hey Stan
  • Can I mute Insta Stories?

July

  • Feeling something in your throat
  • The feeling of being shouted at when you’re alone (July was a very heavily medicated month…)
  • Watermelon Dress
  • Molly Ringwald
  • Dan is Gossip Girl meme (still makes it impossible to rewatch)
  • Lace monitor lizard
  • New Mac Candle
  • Check postcode for crime
  • Jake Paul nudes (rumours and curiosity…)

August

  • Why do people lick pencils (I will like you less if you do this)
  • Spice Girls perfume
  • LIT My Own Worst Enemy
  • Why aren’t contact lenses vegan
  • Milo Ventimiglia naked (no luck!)
  • Tiny Lucile (Obviously for a halloween costume for my cat named Negan)
  • Linda Changing Rooms
  • Does Gerard Way take fan photos
  • Why does Laurie never take her own samples (You can’t watch Shark Tank without noticing this…)
  • Scooping Bowl

September

  • Smoke Buddy
  • Bratz Movie (Obviously checking out the cast list while watching it…)
  • Force unfollow Twitter
  • Josh Peck Shoulder (I thought we had the same scar… we don’t…)
  • Grey’s Anatomy Quiz (You know how annoying quizzes tend to pop up? Well, I go searching for them…)

October

  • Paint stripper on car
  • Air Hercs
  • Cat grooming local
  • How many Pokémon EX cards are allowed in a deck
  • Red wine and coca-cola

November

  • Over bed table (we’re talking Pintrest chic, not hospitals here.)
  • Ted Dansen (Just checking that my favourite babe is still in the clear)
  • Coughing while drinking cold liquids
  • Snake stuck behind radiator (We don’t talk about this in the Richardson household… but it happened…)
  • Patrick Dempsy
  • Tiger kills woman at zoo
  • Cute pill box

December

  • Gudatame beauty blender (heck yes it exists)
  • Where have Twozies gone?
  • What is a new moon?
  • Nineties fabric
  • Burgundy passport cover (I’ll just turn the blue back to burgundy, thanks)

Head here too look back at 201620152014, and 2013‘s search history.

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