Monopoly is finally accessible to Millennials! It always was, but now it’s tailored for us. Oh lordy.

It comes to us all eventually. That moment when Christmas is less about the stockings and the presents, and more about family, friends, and… the drink — let’s be honest from the get-go. And there is one thing that unifies these things, under the seasonal glow of twinkling lights no less, than the humble board game… Or a card game, I suppose. I’m not game-ist.

It happens every year; you open that trusty — and somewhat dusty — cupboard and look out across the stack of aging board games. Each title fills your mind with happy memories. Then your eyes fall upon the faded Monopoly board- and you are instantly filled with regret, retroactive anger, and unprecedented rage. Such is the power of Monopoly.

Monopoly induces such effects that, well into your fourth hour (and drink), the potential for your living room to become a life-sized game of Cluedo increases exponentially — fuelled ever greater every time someone dares utter those frightful words “Which thingy piece was I again?” and “Oh, was it my turn?”.

It’s no secret that Monopoly can split the board game community, as well as families, in half —  but now it has evolved with the power to split generations. They are coming for you Millennials. That’s right, please welcome Hasbro’s new masterpiece — Monopoly for Millennials.

The title might as well have been called Monopoly About Millennials. As, although I understand their intention, I know very few who would buy this edition unironically. If you have however ever uttered the words “Damn Whippersnappers!” then this may just be the game for you. Featuring the tagline “Forget real estate. You can’t afford it anyway.”, it can only be apparent that Hasbro is a little tone-deaf about its newest demographic from the onset.

Monopoly for Millennials Board

Not only have the game tokens changed, from top hats and wheelbarrows to hashtags and bicycles in this patronizing update — but so have the rules… I mean, if you’re throwing everything else out the window why get picky now? Instead of working hard to earn money, a concept Millennials will, of course, have no familiarity with, players will competitively move across the board to earn “experiences”. I’ll let that sink in for a moment… Or two…

So millennials, if you’ve somehow missed those not so subtle comments from your parents and just wider society in general, never fear — Hasbro’s anxiety-affirming-checklist is here: educational debt, housing instability, biological and ecological crises, ethical turmoil, incompetency, general feelings of failure, and that age-old debate… avocadoes; delicious or vile. You decide. But all is not lost, Hasbro does want you to “Live a little!” and escape from adult life with sleeping on friends couches, visiting vegan bistros, and weeklong meditation retreats. Alright for some, I suppose.

The game itself does feature the tropes and hardships plaguing a generation; which can only covey that some understanding must have taken place. Truly, the only way of knowing for sure is to play. I just genuinely do not know if this was intended as a satirical and cathartic celebration of new age culture, or frankly, a pisstake. Hasbro’s “out with the old, in with the new” approach to modern culture is promising following their modernizing of antiquated game tokens in previous years.

Either way, its driving buzz right? Perhaps that has been the intention all along. Although this edition is currently only available from Walmart, I can’t help wonder if this move was to generate exclusivity, test the waters, or minimize damage control.

If you are a parent or guardian who has purchased this divisive title — maybe try to dig out that receipt. It’s a hassle, but you may just thank me later! That being said, it may make a great viral collectible.

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