Remasters are all the rage nowadays. There has been a host of memorable games getting polished up like a nostalgia filled hard on in a pair of flared jeans worn by the personification of times gone by. Another such title to be added onto the ever growing lists of old games with a price tag affected by global inflation is GODS Remastered.

The original GODS was a 2D side-scrolling brawler/shooter type game which was commonplace during its hay day. It has a penchant for exploration throughout the game for secrets and power-ups and has a story which can be summarized in 20 words or less, so I give it a go for you, ahem; Kill some bosses, get to the end, become a God. Bam, did it in 10, half my goal.

GODS Remastered was originally released back around the time I too was released upon the planet to emit my unique blend of cynicism, sarcasm, and over-the-top vulgarity: 1991. It was available on all major consoles back at the time including the Amiga and the SNES though it was the former version which was the most critically acclaimed and the one which provided the frame work for this remaster. This was due to the other platforms having a different quirk of their own.

GODS Remastered Screenshot
GODS I Miss The ’90s

So with any good remaster, there seems to be an unwritten rule that graphics need a boost, and when looking back to the original GODS, yeah, do it. Though the direction which was taken is a fairly questionable one. While you can easily opt to play the game in its original 16-bit format, the more up-to-date graphics look like the older Mortal Kombat games got a little bit too friendly with an abundance of clay it found in some hazardous waste.

I am personally not a fan of the direction that was taken with the art style. But saying this I also found that I didn’t enjoy playing GODS Remastered either way. The older graphics use a heavy primary color pallet which makes distinguishing things between the background and foreground a little difficult. On the flip-side though, even though the newer graphics do make things more discernible, the overall look feels out of place. Maybe I’m just too used to the more polished worlds which have been revitalizing other remasters in more recent days as opposed to the mo-cap claymation that we got here instead.

GODS Remastered doesn’t offer up too much in terms of gameplay features. The main things you can do seem to be; walk left and right, climb up and down ladders, and throw an exceptionally large abundance of daggers and other sharp objects at everything that moves.

GODS Remastered Screenshot
This Seems Historically Accurate

There is an air of higher than average difficulty that comes with GODS Remastered, but I’ve beaten 1/3 of the Dark Souls series so I know what I’m doing nowadays. Or at least I thought I knew what I was doing. Enemies drop out of nowhere to make your life a living hell with no indication of when they are going to stop. This does make for a fun experience, well it would if the game didn’t have the player character move like he’s preemptively setting into rigor mortis.

GODS Remastered also boasts a hefty 12 levels… that’s it. Seriously. A whole dozen levels… As low as this seems though the levels are fairly in-depth with secrets scattered throughout as well as some fairly diverse and unique boss battles. There are plenty of treasures to go on the hunt for and puzzles to wrack your brain over. Then for those of you who couldn’t care less for exploration, you can try and blast through the game with a new speed-run mode. However, this will mean learning the many intricacies of each level to aim for the #1 spot on the leaderboards.

I have mentioned that the game plays a little sluggish, well I said it was more like controlling a still active corpse. Movement is horribly stiff and is highly inexcusable even for a remaster. There has been absolutely no attempt to make GODS Remastered more user-friendly since its original release. Any attempt to outmaneuver incoming enemy attacks is met with a swift kick of realization to my already flustered face. You could argue that this just makes adds to the game’s difficulty, okay sure, but no. Sometimes it feels like you didn’t have a chance from the get-go.

GODS Remastered Screenshot
Where Does This Appear In Greek Mythology?

There is a selection of different weapons available in GODS Remastered. Sounds good right? Now what if I told you that there was no real difference to any of them? That’s right. There is little to no difference at all to any of the weapons at all other than how they look and how many fly across the screen at any one time. On the surface they make look different, but you know what they say about polishing a turd right?

Honestly, I was fairly underwhelmed and disappointed with my experience with GODS Remastered. The combination of tank-like controls and the Live-Action like graphics show how dated games from the early 90’s are. I will commend the game for being true to its original release but this has done it no favors come the final product.

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